


The Extremely Sexy Half

by WoozleBucket



Series: The Totally Epic, and Extremely Sexy, Lives of Grumpy Demon Hunters [2]
Category: Game Grumps
Genre: And Ross is a little bastard, And so is Arin and Brian, Barry's pretty chill though, Danny is now a Hunter, Gen, My First Fanfic, Supernatural AU - Freeform, cause why not, oh boy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-20
Updated: 2016-04-20
Packaged: 2018-06-03 12:03:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,841
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6610006
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WoozleBucket/pseuds/WoozleBucket
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Being a Hunter can be a lot of work. Like, a lot. But on the bright side, you can make a bunch of friends.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Extremely Sexy Half

**Author's Note:**

> So, uh, this is my first ever fanfic. But, I'm pretty sure this is a pretty cool thing to start out with if I do say so myself. And I do. 
> 
> Have fun!

Recording starts

I first met Brian in Seattle. I honestly don’t remember why I was there in the first place, but I do remember finding myself in an alleyway about to be eaten by a skinwalker or five. Just my luck, I guess. Then he swooped in like a ninja, and the rest is history. Well, not really. Normally after an encounter like that, the other person is never seen again. After I got back to Jersey and back to my junior year in college, a new theoretical physics professor showed up calling himself “Doctor Wecht” and just generally pissing me off. He made me just a little ticked because I hadn’t chosen the class in the first place and was just placed in there for no apparent reason. Things went as expected, me ignoring him and him annoying me, until he went missing for two weeks in March and came back grumbling about vampires. I don’t like vampires. Sometime around June, he invited me to go on one of his “trips” with him. Against my better judgement, I agreed. I went, we poured some salt in a coffin and set it on fire (wow, you don’t hear that every day), almost got decapitated and/or neutered, and came back the Tuesday afterwards with a cast on my right arm (pink, of course) to show for it. We went on until I graduated with my degree in advertising or some shit like that. Time passed, my hair grew out, Brian grew closer and closer to his mid-life crisis, I accidentally cause fifteen human deaths in a freak accident at Taco Bell, which the authorities still aren’t too happy about for obvious reasons. You know, the usual. Next thing I know, I’m thirty-six, still single, and back in Seattle with Brian on another hunt. Another skinwalker hunt. So, yeah, that’s where I am right now. A cheap motel room with me on the floor and Brian governing the bed because of his “bad back”. I call bullshit because I have seen him do some pretty epic ninja stuff lately. Him slightly shit-faced and me on a sugar-hype that’ll probably make me pull another all-nighter before going home, or as close as someplace can get to it, tomorrow. Let’s hope nothing happens.

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Arin Hanson is one hell of a guy. Poor guy has a pretty upsetting past that can really make a person feel for him. But despite all that’s happened to him in the past four years, he still chills on his couch under a pink blanket and marathons Sailor Moon like it’s nobody’s business. He and I technically met when he fell down the stairs outside of an LA courtroom and landed face-down in a pretty huge puddle. And then as soon as he got up and talking, Brian came and whacked the back of his head with my umbrella. I love the guy but...ugh! Arin was surprisingly cool with the whole thing and even helped me out with the Iplier case. Stupid ghosts can do stupid things. Like kill a guy with a laser. Arin may say that he doesn’t like hunting, but I can tell that he still finds some secret thrill in the kills. He and I go on hunts together now that Brian “retired” back to Jersey to continue teaching that same damn Physics class. I remember Arin freaking out on our first demon hunt, though I don’t really blame him considering his past. I don’t really remember much of the fight after the demon tossed me back against a brick wall and knocked me out, but considering the entire lack of a body in the end, I’m guessing Arin went all “Egoraptor” on him. Arin’s known as “Egoraptor” for some reason in the hunter community like how I’m “Danny Sexbang” and Brian’s “Ninja Brian”. Gee, I wonder where that last one came from. But when I came to, Arin was kneeling over a pile of ashes crying a little. When he noticed me, he laughed and said, “Yeah, I’m a fuckin’ badass, while you were such a little pussy, Dan.” But I’m used to him calling me that by now, so it was fine. I still punched him in the dick, though. So, yeah, just in general, Arin’s a real grump. Unlike me.

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Then there’s Ross. And then there’s Ross. The biggest Aussie asshole since Crocodile Dundee, I could go on for hours about why he pisses Arin and I off. But I won’t because I’m a nice guy. I really only need three words to explain why: Super Mario Maker. That guy is such a fucking sadist, it’s not even funny. Ross is a Trickster, a demigod of sorts that’s usually immortal, and an annoying one at that. Kinda makes me wonder how long he’s been annoying humanity. Last time I tried asking, Ross was in a bad mood, so Arin was a gecko for a week. It was actually kind of funny now that I look back on it. Two words: anime voice. Ugh. Well, uh, besides that Ross is a pretty okay guy. He’s funny, I guess. I think he’s even married to a nice woman named Holly. Two words: Milk Hogger. Ross first turned up in the hunter community when he killed a hunter and the hunter’s prey in some bar just south of Austin that Brian just so happened to be passing. Then I first met him, not that I knew it, when I was with Brian in Seattle, the last time either of us are going there, like, ever. Brian was missing, and Ross was just some random guy I gave my coffee to hold while I ran down an alleyway and take down that damn skinwalker. When I went back for the drink, they were both gone. Then a year later, as luck has it, Arin and I managed to accidentally break into the guy’s apartment instead of the target’s. A werewolf could wait long enough for me to get a new coffee. Let’s just say that he wasn’t too happy about the whole situation. But we’re (relatively) cool now. He just sort-of pops up randomly when Arin and I are on one hunt or another, but he always chickens out and leaves at the first sign of danger. There’s something else off with him, but I just can’t put my metaphorical finger on it…

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Barry’s a pretty chill guy with a strange sense of humor. Technically, his name isn’t Barry, but since that’s what he insists we call him, we do because he’s kind of all powerful and stuff. Barry’s an angel. A runaway one at that. And the big guy in the sky apparently isn’t too happy about that, but he can suck my big, fat dick. It’s not like he doesn’t deserve it with the whole lack of help being given down here. Despite the obvious problems, Barry’s cool. From what he’s told us, he’s an angel on the run for some reason and has been on Earth for a loooooong-ass time. Apparently he’s on his hundredth host here on Earth, but somebody made a deal with a demon to keep this one around for as long as Barry needs it. Technically, Barry is his host’s name. I’m pretty sure that Barry Kramer would be proud to be hosting a guy like this. Kramer was Jewish, like me, but somehow became a host for a mother-fucking angel from God and stuff. For some reason, Ross and Barry usually show up together. Barry may claim it’s for protection, but Ross disagrees. But I can’t help but wonder what Barry, or maybe even Ross, needs protection from. Anyway, Arin was actually the first to meet Barry a while ago when he and his buddy Jon were partners in some project. Barry showed up when Arin most needed help after Jon left and his whole life pretty much went to shit. And then he disappeared from Arin’s life when Arin was possessed by a demon for, like, two years and stuff. I personally met Barry when Brian was on vacation back home and I was visiting some obscure relative or something. There were reports of an invulnerable man, so I figured it was a demon. Turns out it was a kind-of pissed off Barry. What? Near invulnerability and godlike powers can be kinda suspicious! Barry is actually kinda wary around me for reasons I don’t know (read: refuse to say) and even keeps a bit of distance between him and Ross. Arin’s really the only one that really connects with him. I’m honestly kinda scared to see him and Brian go off on each other again. It nearly killed me last time. He also has some kind of strange fascination that I made up once when I drew a picture of a hamburger one drunken night. It was a cute hamburger, though, complete with glued on googly eyes and a sharpie smile. I call it Burgie. Now Barry likes to add Burgie into every conversation he can. Especially when drunk.

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And then there’s me. Save the best for last, right? Ahem. My name is Dan Avidan, though I’m mostly known now as “Daniel Y. Sexbang”. I am thirty-six and still, amazingly, single, and I hunt supernatural creatures for a living. And in my spare time, I do Jewish tings. My first official hunt was in New Jersey with Brian and my first one alone was when I killed a chubacabra down in New Mexico over my tenth grade spring break. I killed my first high school principal when he turned out to be a vampire and tried to eat me. I fucking love coffee and get a little pissy when at Subway. I have (accidentally) been a host to both a demon and Barry’s mixed-up older sister. My old dog was actually my next door neighbor which explained a lot as to why he was never at school and was missing for a whole ten years. I blame his mom for that. She was totally in the wrong by planting wolfsbane in the garden. Um, I’m pretty bad at video games, escpecially 3DS ones. Damn these monstrously huge thumbs of mine! I have been called a punk, I have been called a fag, I have been called a “cock-sucking, mother-fucking, hell-raising bastard!” by Arin. That last part was totally not my fault. I’m friends with two hunters, a Trickster,and a mother-fucking angel. But we’re all a crew, more or less, and now that Brian shows up to “save my sorry ass” every once and awhile, it can be, um, more interesting than usual. Not that any time with my group of losers isn’t interesting. Times like when Ross pulls shitty pranks on us or when Arin starts raging at his video games can be fun. Shovel Knight was the shit, man. 

Well, uh, for now this is Danny Sexbang signing off on another sucessful broadcast day. (Get that fucking dildo away from my sandwich, Ross.)

 

Recording ends

**Author's Note:**

> I may make this part of a series, or I may not. It all depends on how much in this AU I can come up with (which is probably a lot). Hope you guys liked it!


End file.
